I just re-read my previous entry. Why do I let my mouth (in this case fingers) go so off? I wish I could express my frustration without resorting to profanity, but sometimes it is the only thing that fits. But if I say 'fuck' to mom, she'll probably have a heart attack.

Lord, forgive the way I vent my frustration. I know feeling frustrated is not wrong, but what I do with it demonstrates my current relationship with You. Right now, I feel like everyone around is having dinner with You, and I'm the mutt under the table sniffing for crumbs. Forgive my unbelief - not believing that You DO have a purpose for all this, not wanting to get far enough out of my own head to see what that might be. I know you didn't make it happen, my abuse was the result of someone elses' sinful actions, but I am still stuck with the pain. Is it wrong to wish some Earthly consequenses onthem? Kind of a taste of the eternal ones waiting? Forgive my uncharity, at this point I'll be really upset if I see them in Heaven. Turn this wicked crap (I have no other word for it) into fertilizer. Grow . . . Ahh, I don't know. Grow something so beautiful that people won't believe what kind of shit it's grown in. Thakn You that I can be honest with You - bone-baring, gut-wrenching honest. If my language offends, I'm sorry. Help me to develop a new grammer to fit the new creation You're making with me.