C asked me what the next step is. It kinda threw me, I thought we were still exploring the first one! I told her I wanted to start dating again, but it's difficult to plan anything when I have no control over the budget. We may (budget allowing) have worked out a solution to that, and rather painlessly, too. She liked the idea, I haven't told her it was the ONLY thing I could find the remotest bit positive about separating. I still think the whole idea sucks, but we seem to be putting it on a very back burner. I just want to push it off the stove alltogether.

We seem to be heading toward the path to healing. What worries me is that whenever we seem to be on the right road, something sideswipes us right back off of it. I'm beginning to think that a successful relationship is not one that stays on the right path, but one that can traipse all over the universe, and never lose track of where it's towel is. Or something like that.

I haven't written much, nor have I let her read this journal. It seems strange that anyone in the world can read these words, but the person I am closest to doesn't know where to find them. Then again, She knows where my paper journal is, but won't read that. I guess it's the same thing. I'm not likely to put anything REALLY incriminating in either. I operate my private life like a spy, nothing in writing, destroy any evidence. It's a little hard to destroy my brain, though.