I got it!

I finally broke down and bought it.

'Howl' by Allen Ginsberg. The complete poem, all edits, correspondence. I can't wait to dig into it!

Yeah, yeah

So I haven't written in a while. So I've been sick today. So I have the time to catch up.

So what.

I never really got in to the journalling thing, so blogging is a fairly self-conscious event. The things that really tick me off, I have trouble keeping calm enough to write about. I also would rather read than write.

Writing puts a window in myself that anyone can look into. An artist can hide in plain sight in a painting, a musician in a song, but when I write, I can't hide. I am on display for all comers.

Tell me, do you see me?

Hmmm, I really need to write more often! I failed the math class, pretty spectacularly. I took it again, and managed to pass it this fall.

Good on me, huh?

Almost over my computer frustration
now it's differently directed.

I started back to school this semester - 20 years since I had any math classes, now I'm jumping into advanced algebra. I hate feeling like an idiot, but that's exactly what the class makes me feel like. ALL of the homework must be done online (for this I get to pay an extra $140), but when errors are made, there is no one to help you find your error. I get so frustrated when the response is "That is incorrect. Remember to use the proper order of operations.", and the problem is that I added 2 and 3 and somehow got 9. arg.

Oh how I long for the days when I had actual human beings breathing down my neck!

Damn microsoft!
Damn computers!
F$%^^## ten F#)%$*#$ hours to try to reload the f#@$%^* OS so it can crash every F)#$%$%*$#) ten minutes!

Sometimes,I Imagine

Sometimes,
I imagine God

is like a little boy,
smearing the sunrise
with exuberent excess.

Excited,
He wakes me really early
and whispers in my ear,

-- See?
--See what I made
for you?

Comments

How do I get someone to comment on my pages? I guess someone has to see it, huh?

a Blog in review

I've been reviewing the stuff I've written over the past 2 1/2 years, and there's a lot there that I didn't remember. Isn't it funny how pain sort of disappears from your mind when the causing incident is gone?

Speaking of removing causing incidents, I saw Craig in Wal-Hell before Christmas, and I didn't kill him. So, once again, I win. I'm the good guy. Yay for me. I still think it would be worth it.
Got an unexpected pleasure, though. He's fat. Grossly obese. Probably has doubled his body weight in the last two years. C didn't recognize him, but I did - I think I felt his shitty aura.
Hope he chokes on a chicken bone, so I can laugh at that, too.

But, I'm relegated to mere fantsies now - I got word he moved to TX a few days before Christmas. So no more violent dreams of blowing up his house or car or dog. Good stuff, because I really believe I'm getting better. Sometimes I think it all affected me more than C.

I realized I've examined more demons than I thought I might ever have in these virtual pages. I should rename it 'the life exorcist files', but I really like the 'Garden' theme, and continuing to grow life one keystroke at a time.